DA Revelations Episode 4: Connecting
by AngelExposed
Summary: Kitty manages to convince Remy to take Jessie out for ice cream for her seventh birthday, much to Remy's reluctance. finished, please R
1. Chapter 1 Responsibility

**DISMAL ANGEL REVELATIONS**

**EPISODE 4 – CONNECTING**

**Chapter 1 – Responsibility**

"Kitty, y'know, I think...maybe this is a bad idea."

"What could possibly be bad about it?" Kitty asked quietly. She was standing at the top of the stairs beside Remy LeBeau and they were staring down the long double wide staircase to where Jessie Crowell was sitting on the bottom step playing with a Barbie doll and oblivious to the conversation on the floor above.

"I just...I don't know, I told you, I'm not good with kids..." Remy LeBeau sighed, he tried to remember how he'd let Kitty Pryde talk him into this. Maybe the painkillers Hank had been giving him had something to do with it, the things seemed to make him so relaxed and carefree that he'd agree to almost anything – and apparently had.

_But why did I have to agree to take this kid out for ice cream?_ He thought. This kid who wasn't his, this kid he didn't really know, this kid who didn't trust him, who thought his eyes were scary.

"Look, we both know that's bull, Remy," Kitty sighed, she adjusted the collar on Remy's brand new leather coat. The smell of new leather was still thick on it, and he didn't like it, he missed his old worn and cracked leather coat, the one that had been damaged by the laser that had scarred him only a week ago.

"But...I mean...you know how people talk, petit – when a man puts a certain interest in a young girl, it's never a good sign. I got a bad enough reputation as it is, especially since everyone knows I was nineteen and Rogue was only fifteen when we started getting interested in each other. If I could like a girl that young when I was legally an adult, then...they be thinking that I could this time...I dunno..."

"Remy, stop worrying. No one is going to get the wrong idea, trust me on this," Kitty said, a little impatiently. "I got a lot to do today – I have to book like eight flights, and four taxis. It's Jessie's birthday – she's seven today. I just...I don't see what's so bad about you and her going for ice cream."

"I'm not even fit enough to drive."

"Now you're just talking out of your A. S. S.," Kitty spelt the word out since Jessie might overhear from where she was. "You've been walking around this mansion for a week and a half through all that pain, if you can walk and move around in that much agony, driving shouldn't be too much of an issue."

Remy stared down the stairway, Jessie was brushing Barbie's hair with a tiny pink brush, and humming the tune to the Brady Bunch under her breath – it had been the last thing she'd watched on television that morning. "Again, I gotta say it...I suck with kids."

"Remy, for god's sake, she's--" Kitty cut herself off, looking almost horrified for a moment, "she's just a seven year old...she's quiet, all you gotta do is make some conversation, buy her an ice cream Sundae and your job is done. How hard is that?"

"Kids are a lot of responsibility, Kitty," Remy reminded, "I mean...keeping an eye on her every minute...taking her hand when we walk out on the streets? I don't know if...I feel comfortable with that."

"Well I do it every day, so...suck it up," Kitty winced at a particularly hard kick from baby Pryde snuggled warmly in the large bulge of her pregnant belly.

"Kicking again?"

"It wants out...I could drop any day for all I know," Kitty admitted, "sooner the better," she added, she paused. "You're complaining about having to spend one day with a pretty mature seven year old – I have at least eighteen years guaranteed of parenting to do here, you don't even gotta change diapers. All you have here is one day of responsibility, and I'll have a lifetime of it, so go just be an adult and level headed for one day and stop complaining already."

Remy pursed his lips together sourly.

"Now...go make a seven year old happy and take her out for goddamn ice cream," Kitty said irritably. Her moods had grown increasingly cranky in the last week – Remy felt it might have something to do with nerves. He imagined although she couldn't wait to have the child, that she was terrified of the pain she would be in while giving birth. She'd admitted several times she was very uncomfortable in her own skin – constantly needing to pee, constantly suffering aches in her back and struggling to get comfortable at night with the baby kicking all the time.

But he sympathised, it couldn't be easy going through the pregnancy alone, trying to be a mother was going to be difficult, especially in a mansion full of mutants that always risked being infiltrated by any number of enemies despite the best security affordable.

_Maybe...maybe Kitty is the one who needs me,_ Remy thought, thinking of what Betsy Braddock had told him, words straight from his daughters soul. Someone else needed him...someone other than Rogue. Kitty seemed pretty much _in need_ around now, it seemed to make sense. Unfortunately being needed meant making sacrifices.

"Okay...fine," Remy sighed, he accepted the keys to Kitty's car – a small Mini cooper that he was sure was going to cramp his tall frame. He hated dinky little cars, although he could see the logic of someone as small as Kitty owning one.

"And remember, Jessie can't sit shotgun, you gotta put her in the booster seat in the back, and you need to make sure her seatbelt is secure..."

He made a face, "okay, okay."

"Thank you, Remy," Kitty smiled serenely and kissed his cheek – he wished she hadn't, the sensitivity in his skin was still heightened and even an innocent friendly kiss was enough to distract him, "you don't know how happy you'll make her."

Rogue felt a hard plastic ball hit her in the back of the shoulder for what felt like the fifth time since the training program had started. While she was pretty invulnerable and the ball could cause her no real harm – the plastic balls, harmless bullets and paintballs were used for student training purposes only – the fact that they kept hitting her when she was standing in the sideline area away out of the general area of any danger seemed to indicate something was wrong.

"What the hell, Bobby?" she called up to the control annex that was overlooking the danger room from up high.

Bobby Drake was the one in control of the danger room for her and her students. But she wasn't meant to be part of the training program, she was only meant to be instructing her students on how to survive the program. It had been the third time something had come her way without her warranting it.

Trying to ignore that feeling in the back of her mind that Bobby was still angry at her for their breakup over a week ago, she instead made an attempt to focus on what her students were doing. Monet St. Croix was up in the air, flying gracefully, dodging paint balls, and hitting the hard plastic balls back at the machine firing them. Alison Blair was too busy watching one of the boys, and a paintball hit her squarely in the back of the head, causing bright pink gooey paint to explode onto her head.

"Okay, pause the program!" Rogue yelled up to the control annex and waited, giving it ample time to stop before she stepped out into the middle of the room, "okay, so...can anyone tell me what was wrong with that exercise?" she asked, folding her arms and staring around at her team of five students.

Illyana Rasputin's cheeks turned pink, Alison tried to comb the pink goo out of her hair while Everett Thomas wandered over seemingly annoyed and Jay Guthrie seemed more confused than anything as to what had happened.

Monet dropped down from the sky, "I can."

"Anyone other than Monet," Rogue added.

Everett frowned, "Dazzler wasn't paying attention."

Rogue nodded, "you got it on one," she praised. "Alison was busy staring elsewhere instead of keeping an eye at the cannon on her back. With the result..." Rogue ran a leather gloved finger along Alison's head and held it up so everyone could see the pink gooey paint, "splattered."

Alison pouted.

"If this had been a real cannon...you'd be mourning the death of a team-mate around now," Rogue admitted, "and you would be missing a head," she looked angrily at Alison.

"Okay, so I screwed up," Alison stood up, the force of the paintball in the head had sent her to the floor, "and these things hurt," she rubbed the back of her head.

"You think that hurts?" Rogue asked, "this is nothing compared to what's out there for you..." she gestured to nowhere in particular, "do you think Magneto will be throwing paintballs at you? Do you think the Friends of Humanity are going to give it a second thought when they see someones back turned and have an opportunity to blow someone's head off?"

"Okay, okay, I get it, geez," Alison rolled her eyes.

"She's right," Everett pointed out, "look what happened to Gambit, he got hit by a laser in the chest while in combat – now he has a hole in his chest. If it can happen to him – and he's a trained X-Man – then it can happen to us...and we might not be as lucky as him. Can't fix a blasted skull."

Rogue didn't like their using Remy LeBeau as an example, but Everett was right. If someone as talented and fast as Remy could be hit during combat – then it could easily happen to any one of her students.

"I know you all think I'm being hard on you. I know you're going to leave this session room callin' me all kinds of names," Rogue said, trying to focus once again on her students, "but it's _my_ responsibility to get you through this – alive. It's my job to make sure you're ready for whatever is out there. You all want to be X-Men, and if that's gonna happen, you need to be prepared."

Alison was looking away, angry.

"In three months, Wolverine will be back in Bayville, and when he's back, he'll be takin' over your training two days a week. And let me just tell you kids now, if you think I'm a hardass..." Rogue frowned, "that's nothin' compared to the yellin' you're gonna hear, and the gruelling workouts you're gonna be put through when Wolverine takes over as your instructor. So you better shape up and prepare yourselves. You can all go now, get showered and get ready for your afternoon classes."

The kids left single file, quiet, reflective. Alison throwing dirty looks at Rogue on the way out.

Rogue sighed. _Maybe I am being far too hard on them,_ she thought as she made her way to the elevator up to the control annex. When she arrived there, there was no one in sight, just a cup of coffee that had been frozen solid, and a slight chill in the air to indicate Bobby Drake had been there. _Guess Alison isn't the only one mad at me._


	2. Chapter 2 Ice Cream and Logic

**Chapter 2 – Ice Cream and Logic**

Jessie Crowell dug her spoon into the oversized triple chocolate sundae sitting in front of her. Chocolate sauce oozed down the edges of the tall glass, and the ice cream was melting in the heat of the Bayville Ice Cream Shop. She looked at across at Mr. LeBeau, who was sitting opposite her, a desert fork poised over a slice of lemon cheesecake.

Jessie wasn't an expert at reading adult's expressions, but she had the distinct sense that he was distracted, thinking of other things, and definitely didn't want to be there.

Of course, she knew he didn't; she'd heard Miss. Pryde trying to convince him to take her for ice cream. Miss. Pryde probably would have, of course, but she could barely fit behind the wheel of the car anymore, and Jessie had overheard her telling Dr. McCoy she was afraid of being caught in labour in the middle of nowhere drive between Bayville and the mansion.

"You not hungry?" Jessie asked, trying to break the ice. She hated long silences, because long silences meant the people she was with were probably thinking about things and she hated not knowing what people thought.

"Not really," Remy pushed the plate forward a little, he put his desert fork down. He had a guilty look on his face – she recognised that, at least.

"I don't mind," Jessie admitted, "I'm...sorry that Miss. Pryde made you take me out."

Remy gave a pained look at her, he seemed even guiltier, "She didn't make me. I wanted to," he said, and he was a terrible liar. That was strange to think of Remy LeBeau as a bad liar because she'd heard Mr. Drake refer to him as the king of lies and deceit. She wasn't sure what was meant by that, but from the way Mr. LeBeau spoke now it didn't seem as if he were very practiced in lying.

_Maybe he can lie real good. Just not to kids,_ she thought, she took a large mouthful of ice cream from her sundae. "Are you sad?" she asked, her mouth full and slightly numb from the cold.

He picked up his soda and took a sip, "why would you ask that?" he asked.

"You look sad," she shrugged.

"I'm just very, very tired," Remy answered.

"Does that owie keep you awake?" she asked. She'd seen the bandages peering through the half-zipped front of a hoodie once, and yesterday had seen him wearing a tanktop and could see white tape peeking out from beneath the dark grey cotton.

He smirked a little, "sometimes."

"What did it?" she asked, she licked the chocolate sauce off her spoon.

"I...got hurt by a bad man," he answered.

"Does it hurt a lot?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Do you get hurt a lot?"

"Every now and then," he answered, he picked up his fork and tried to attempt to eat a little of the cheesecake, she felt he might be doing so just to make her feel more at ease.

She took another mouthful of the ice cream, managing to smear some of it across her cheek somehow, "what do you do?"

He raised a dark eyebrow, "what'd you mean?" he asked.

"Your power...you're a mutant like me, right?" she asked.

"Oh. I can charge items with energy and make them blow up like bombs," he answered.

Jessie paused, "I blow things up too..." she frowned a little, "sometimes by mistake."

"Me too..." Remy said, and his expression became very sad.

For the first time since coming to the mansion, she felt as if there was someone who possibly understood how she felt sometimes. "Don't be sad, Mr. LeBeau," Jessie said softly.

"I'm sorry. I'm spoiling your birthday," Remy apologised.

"No, you're not," Jessie assured.

"I think you'd have had more fun with Kitty," Remy admitted.

"Miss. Pryde is very busy lately," Jessie said, "she getting ready for the baby..."

There was a short silence, Jessie stopped eating, she put her spoon down.

"When the baby is born...she not gonna have time for me anymore," she admitted, and her eyes welled with tears.

Remy frowned, "No, don't say that. Kitty will always make time for you. She wouldn't just abandon you."

"But she will. When she has her own kid, she won't wanna be with me anymore. And then I'll be alone again."

He shook his head, "no. That's not going to happen..." he picked up his unused napkin and reached over to dab at the tears trickling down her face and at the chocolate and ice cream smeared across her cheeks. "At Xaviers, you'll never be alone."

After the ice cream was melted, and the soda all gone, Remy took Jessie to a movie. The movie theatre was a wonderful place to take kids, he felt. The novelty for Jessie was outstanding, strange how buttered popcorn could make anyone so happy. And for him, a movie was perfect too, he got to sit and quietly reflect while she giggled at Disney characters dancing and singing across the huge wide screen. He didn't have to try to make awkward conversation with a child he didn't know or truly understand.

What he'd heard in the ice cream shop had saddened him immensely. He wasn't a sap for big sad eyes and tears, but one look at that little girl and to hear her fears over being abandoned by Kitty – probably the only mother-figure the girl had had in her life since being orphaned – had made him feel like every emotion he'd had had been under attack.

Remy knew that feeling of being abandoned, he knew the fears that one day everything good in life would crumble and turn to dust and filter away in the wind like it had never existed at all. He'd grown used to it though, and the adult logic that it could be gotten over eventually lingered with him.

But a child's logic was all Jessie had. If everything good in life went away, it probably wasn't going to come back, and she would be alone and abandoned. And never have anything good to look forward to ever again.

He glanced towards her in the dark theatre, her face lit up only vaguely by the big screen, big eyes shiny as they watched with glee. Her momentary happiness would quickly be forgotten soon enough, he realised, when she got back to the mansion and saw Kitty and her large belly, when she started to wonder again if she'd be abandoned once that baby was born.

Somehow, some of Jessie's childish logic seemed to penetrate his, and melt away his adult logic. _What if she DOES get too busy for Jessie when the baby arrives? What then? How is Jessie supposed to cope? _

He turned back to the movie and tried to focus on clearing his mind with cartoons and laughter, but the thoughts were still there no matter how much he tried. And new thoughts came into play, thoughts of the parentage he'd been robbed of when his daughter had died before her eyes could even open. The dull pain of it came back with a furious vengeance and even though he'd seen her in the afterlife only briefly, he still felt immensely sad whenever he thought of her, especially now.

_If Gabrielle had survived, I'd be sitting here with her now instead of this kid I hardly know,_ Remy thought, he glanced back to Jessie. He wondered if Jessie and Gabrielle would have been friends. It seemed they would be around the same age – Jessie would be slightly younger by at least six months – only three perhaps if Gabrielle had never been born premature.

He swallowed back the emotion building within him; he tried not to think of it for it brought too many painful memories of her funeral, of being the one to carry her tiny coffin to the mansion gardens where the funeral had been held, and then to the cemetery where she'd been buried. He remembered how weightless that tiny casket had been in his arms, how weightless she herself had seemed when he'd been allowed to hold her, bundled in a pink blanket that was far too big for one so small as she.

Thinking of it all brought back the anger when Bella Donna had vanished without word, through the agony she must have been through somehow she'd pulled herself out of the bed and climbed through an open window – she'd never been heard of since.

He'd even gone looking for Bella Donna after running away from the mansion. He'd spent two months in Louisiana trying to find her, but even her family hadn't seen her again and thought her dead. Remy had begun to think the same thing.

Remy closed his eyes tightly and tried to force the memories out, it just hurt too much and being sad on Jessie's birthday seemed unfair to Jessie. When he was alone, he could mourn all he wanted again, but for now, he needed to pretend to be somewhat happy, so that Jessie wouldn't worry that the world was as sad a place as it was.

Jessie turned to look at him, an in the dark he could see in her expression she could sense his despair. Children were such perceptive little creatures and Jessie was no exception. Both tiny hands around the large bucket of popcorn, she held it out towards him to offer him some, as if it would make him feel better.

He forced a smile and took a handful, stuffing it all into his mouth in one go, trying to be comical, to make her smile. Thankfully, it did.


	3. Chapter 3 Naptime

**Chapter 3 – Naptime**

When Remy returned to the mansion, it was a little after seven pm. He pulled up the car into the mansion's large garage and was about to say it was time to get out to the girl sitting in the back on the booster seat. She'd been even more quiet than usual, and he raised his eyes to the rear view mirror to look at her. She was sound asleep in her seat, cheeks flushed with her lashes seeming to caress them.

He watched her for moments, unsure what to do. He didn't really want to wake her up, but he had to get her out of the car, he certainly couldn't just leave her there. He climbed out of the small car and stood outside it for several moments, trying to decide what to do.

_Gotta move her, _he thought.

He pulled down the drivers seat and leaned into unbuckle her from the booster seat, "Jessie...time to wake up."

She didn't stir, her lashes fluttered lightly but she did not wake. He sighed.

"C'mon, Jessie, gotta wake up now."

He couldn't understand how kids could sleep heavily no matter where they were, but it had been a big day for Jessie, and he knew she had a tendency to wake up in the very early hours of the morning.

He realised he was going to somehow have to get her out of the car, and somehow without bumping her head on anything. _Damn Kitty and her dinky car with it's stupid two doors and folding seats,_ he thought sourly. He pulled Jessie's arms gently so that they wrapped around his neck, he put one hand behind her head, and the other beneath her knees and began shifting awkwardly out of the car trying not to disturb her or hurt her.

Somehow, he managed to get her out, she felt like a limp doll in his arms, warm and heavy, her cheek against his neck, her arms draped over his shoulders. She was pressed against the wound on his chest and it hurt more than he had thought it would. He winced and kicked the car door shut, and carried her through the small hallway, and into the foyer of the mansion where Kitty was just coming down the stairs.

"I've been trying to call you for hours," Kitty said quietly, she seemed distressed.

"My phone was off, I'm sorry," Remy said, "I took her to a movie," he moved over. He was about to offer her to Kitty but realised it was the least thing a pregnant woman should be doing was carrying another child. "Er...where should I put her?"

Kitty gestured for him to follow her back up the stairs to the second floor, she kept looking at him over her shoulder, a tiny smile playing about her lips. "Did you have fun?"

"She did, I guess kids movies aren't really my thing," Remy shrugged, he followed Kitty down a hall to a smaller room. It had once been a tiny store room with a small window, but it had been converted into a small bedroom, the window was larger now, giving the room more light during the day. Right now, moonlight and the lights from the mansion grounds seeped in, Kitty turned on the nightlight which gave the room a soft blue glow.

Remy moved over to the bed and put Jessie down carefully, "she conked out like a light on the way home, I couldn't wake her."

Kitty smirked, "yeah, she sleeps pretty heavy – except for nightmares."

Remy nodded, understanding. "I think I'm gonna go take a nap myself," he sucked in a breath, even taking her away from where she had been pressing against his wound did not leave the wound feeling any better. He'd been unable to take anything for his pain, knowing that the painkillers Hank had prescribed made him sleepy and realising that wasn't the best state to be in when driving a car with a seven year old in the back.

"Yeah, go take some painkillers and try and get some rest, you've had a busy day."

He couldn't understand why Kitty was smiling so much, "something funny?" he asked.

"No, just..." Kitty paused, she went to retrieve Jessie's pyjamas from the tiny dresser at the bottom of the bed, "it was sweet of you...taking her, and giving her something good to always remember."

"It's...no problem," he said, and he left the bedroom.

_The mansion was dark, incredibly dark as he made his way through the labyrinth like corridors, getting lost like he never had before. He was looking for something but couldn't find it, and had somehow managed to lose his way while doing so._

_Children's voices rang out in the hall, distant but sweet. He followed the voices as a guide, finding the double wide staircase down to the mansion foyer. _

_There were two blonde girls in white dresses sitting folded legged on the floor playing a clapping game, their words echoed over the hall louder and higher than voices usually did there, and it chilled him to the bone._

_"Baby, Baby, Daddy must find_

_the Baby, Baby that got left behind_

_Baby, Baby, Mommy is gone_

_Baby, Baby, must sing this song_

_Baby, Baby, Daddy is here_

_Daddy, Daddy, please hold me near_

_Mommy, Mommy, has run away_

_But Daddy, Daddy can chase fear away_

_Baby, Baby, Daddy must find_

_the Baby, Baby that got left behind."_

"REMY!"

He sat up straight, his breath catching in his throat, pain shot through the burns in his chest, and he hissed in pain. In the darkness of his room he could see the moonlight catching the white in Rogue's hair. He fell back down to the pillows, and put his hand on his head to feel the cold sweat.

"You were screaming in your sleep..." Rogue said in a low voice.

"I was?" he asked, his voice dry and weak.

"Yes...I couldn't understand exactly what it was you were screamin', though," Rogue confessed, her voice husky and low.

"What time is it?" he rubbed his eyes.

"Little after 2am."

He could still see the dream so vividly. The two girls in the dark, the light glittering on their golden hair. He could still hear their echoing claps, their chilling song.

"What the hell were you dreaming?" Rogue asked.

"I...I can't remember," he quickly lied, "I already forgot," he rolled onto his side and sighed, his back turned to her. He didn't feel like particularly talking about this dream, he wasn't exactly sure why; maybe it was just too close to the bone still.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he lied. He supposed if he didn't count the pain from the wound in his chest, he was fine. He closed his eyes, still feeling slightly sleepy. He felt Rogue's gloved fingers trail his bare back and he shivered. He was sure it was just meant to be a comforting touch, but his senses picked it up as something else entirely.

"Skin still pretty sensitive, huh?"

"Mmmhmm," he responded. It had been an after affect from his psyche rejoining with his body – his sense of smell and touch particularly, had been heightened temporarily. Day by day, those senses were growing duller, he realised in another week or two, he would feel just as he had before anything had ever happened, and the slightest touch of a woman wouldn't send his skin tingling and his mind racing.

"What does it feel like?" Rogue asked, he felt her lie behind him, her fingers danced across the back of his shoulder.

"Like...sunburn...only not painful...if that makes sense," he mumbled softly.

Rogue sighed, "where you been all day, anyway? I looked for you after a training session and couldn't find you."

"I got roped into taking Jessie out for ice cream and a movie," Remy answered tiredly, he stared at the wall, his eyes not quite focusing it though. "I thought Kitty would have mentioned."

"I haven't seen her all day, she's been on the phone a lot, trying to arrange transport for the kids so they can go home for the holidays."

Remy closed his eyes, sleep felt close, but not obtainable.

Rogue came up behind him and closed the distance between their bodies, she put one arm over his waist, the satiny fabric of her gloves brushed against his stomach, he felt her breath soft and hot against his neck. Her fingers danced across his stomach, then a little lower.

He tried to ignore that sensation, he took her hand and held it, enclosing his fingers around hers, he felt her shift as she leaned up a little.

"Remy, what's wrong?"

"I don't know what you're speaking of," he replied. He knew fine well.

"Last week you were tryin' to talk me into playing around, now you're...I don't know, not very interested."

He turned over so he was on his back, "I'm fine. I'm just tired. Besides, it was you who said we should take this in baby steps," he reminded.

"I know, I just thought..." she trailed off, "forget it, I don't know what I was thinking," she shook her head at herself.

"You don't need to touch me to be comforting to me, Chere," He said softly, "your being here is enough."

"Okay," she agreed, she let her head rest on the pillow next to his, she kept her hand within his. They lay together in silence, holding hands, until Remy finally found it in himself to speak.

"Chere?"

"Hmm?"

"This gonna seem like a really strange question..." he turned to look at her, "d'ya think I'd have been a good father?"

She looked back at him, "You're right...it's such a strange question..."

"Just answer?" he pleaded.

"I don't know..." she confessed, "why are you even wondering about it?"

"Because I just...I wonder and I can't help it. It's human nature to think about things like this sometimes, I guess," he looked up to the ceiling and sighed.

"I think...you'd find it hard at first...but you'd have been good at it," Rogue said after a moment. "I...don't know if me and you together will ever find out..." she added quietly.

He looked at her, "this isn't about that."

"Then...what is it about? About Kitty being pregnant? Are you going to be a surrogate dad or something to her kid?"

"No...not at all," Remy answered, "this isn't about that either."

"Then what?"

"Gabrielle," he sighed.

"Why are you torturing yourself?" she asked.

"Do you really want to know why?"

"Yes," she leaned up.

"When I died--"

They were interrupted by the beeping of Rogue's watch, she frowned and hit the button.

"_X-Men to the War room, immediately!"_ came the voice of Cyclops.

Rogue sat up, "goddamnit...looks like something has come up..." she got up from the bed.

"Maybe I should come too," he started to get up.

"No!" she rushed over to stop him, "you have some healing to do," she reminded.

He sighed, he was glad of the interruption, although he'd brought the subject up, he was glad he didn't have to continue with it. His feelings were still raw and it hurt even after all this time. He watched her leave and he lay back against the pillows and tried to forget his troubles, knowing they were going to haunt him for a while yet.


	4. Chapter 4 Cocoa and Cookies

**Chapter 4 – Cocoa and Cookies**

"Oh, you can't sleep either, huh?" Kitty Pryde asked as she looked to see Remy stumbling tiredly into the kitchen. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of cocoa and a plate of cookies. She looked exhausted, her eyes dark beneath, her hair mussed.

"I got woken up, Rogue said I was talkin' in my sleep or something," Remy answered, "how come you're up?"

"Baby kickin' something fierce. It's gonna end up kicking it's way right out of me."

"How long now?"

"Three days," she drew a breath.

"Scared?" he asked as he slipped into the chair beside her at the table, he leaned back and tried to make himself comfortable, his wound throbbed dully despite the painkillers he was on. The pain never seemed to completely go away.

"Terrified. I mean...god, I'm gonna be a mom..."

Remy smirked at this, he'd known Kitty since she was around fifteen and she had always seemed fifteen, even so many years later, all grown up. She seemed barely a child herself and now she would have one of her own.

"Thank you, by the way," Kitty said after taking a drink from her cocoa.

"For?"

"For taking Jessie out."

"You already thanked me," Remy reminded.

"Yes, but...I just...need you to know how important it was...for her. She's...really alone here, Remy...and she needs someone."

"She has you," Remy pointed out.

"I know she has me," Kitty said, "But I'm not enough. She needs more...someone she can really connect with..."

"I don't think she'll really connect to me, petit," Remy picked up a cookie from the plate and he broke it in half. "Honestly, maybe that's the best thing. I'd be bad for her to really be around, you know I ain't a good example for kids."

"Why not?" Kitty asked, "you're smart, you're funny, you're brave, you're a great role-model..."

"I steal, I lie, I cause people nothing but heartache. How can you say I could be a role-model?" he ate one half of the cookie in one bite.

"You used to steal and lie, there's a difference," Kitty reminded. "Besides...Jessie likes you, I can tell. She doesn't like any of the other guys here. Except maybe the professor and Hank."

"So what makes me so damn special then?" Remy demanded.

Kitty shrugged, looking away, "I don't know, maybe...maybe she sees something of herself in you..."

Remy frowned, "how'd you mean?" he ate the other half of the cookie and then wiped his hands of crumbs.

"Maybe there's no way to explain it," Kitty said, she sucked in a sharp breath of pain, "Oh man..." she breathed.

"You okay?"

"Kicking," she grimaced, she took his hand, "feel," she commanded, she placed his hand on her belly so he could feel the hard kicks from beneath the mound.

"Ow," Remy remarked.

"It's starting to hurt," Kitty sighed, "wish the kid would go to sleep already so I can go get some too..." she winced, "Geez, Kid stop kicking me or I'm gonna yank you out of there myself," she pouted.

"That's an image I don't wanna think about..." Remy made a face, taking his hand away from her. "Kurt's been hanging around you an awful lot lately since he got back I noticed..." he said to change the subject.

"Yeah," Kitty picked a cookie up from the plate. "We're good friends."

"He still loves you," Remy admitted.

"How do you know?"

"When someone finds the love of their life, it's very hard to stop loving them," Remy shrugged, "like me and Rogue. We might not be _right_ for each other, but can't help how we feel."

"Oh."

"Kurt isn't the love of your life though," Remy said, recognising that look on her face.

She shook her head, almost regretfully.

"Pete is."

Kitty wished Piotr's name hadn't been brought into the conversation. She'd been trying long and hard to forget about him and now here she was to be reminded about him again. "Yeah, well, he's gone."

"Do you still love Kurt?"

"Sometimes," Kitty admitted, "night he came back I thought I did for a little moment," she paused, "but maybe I mistook it for something else."

"Like what?"

"Lust?"

"Ah," Remy nodded, "Yeah...love and lust are so closely related they often get mistaken for each other."

"Been so long since I felt anything because of being pregnant," she sighed, "no dates, no kisses, no sex...it's kind of a drag."

He smirked, "sounds like my love life."

"How is your relationship with Rogue, anyway?" Kitty queried now that the subject had been brought up.

"It's stable, for the time being. Takin' it slow. Sometimes I wish I could change that but she wanted things slow and I'll respect it, even if she's the one doin' the pushing."

"Is she? Doing some pushing, I mean."

"Maybe."

"Like...pushing for, uhm...stuff?"

He raised an eyebrow, "are you asking me what I think you're asking me?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"She's interested is all I'm sayin'."

Kitty paused, she looked into her cocoa, "How far can it go, anyway?"

"How far can...me and Rogue go?" Remy asked.

She nodded.

"I don't know," he confessed, "we never seem to stay together long enough to find out. I'd love to be able to...to try and get close, to maybe work on her powers with her, maybe we can find some way to be together..."

"Have you tried just saying that?" something in the way she said it made it sound a lot simpler than it really was.

"When we were younger, not that she really took much notice. She was so full of doom and gloom and thought the only way to fix it was to get MutantX so we could...be together that way."

"MutantX is temporary...have you guys ever tried to...use it?" she asked.

"No," Remy frowned, "and I wouldn't want her to."

"That's good," Kitty nodded.

"Besides...the last time..." Remy trailed off, "the last time she did take it...well...I don't want to really think about it," he ran his hand through his hair.

Kitty understood, and she left the topic at that, she took one last drink from her cocoa which was now cold. "I think I'm gonna go to bed now," she said, "kicking has stopped now," she stood up.

"I'll clear up this stuff," Remy offered.

"Thanks," Kitty smiled serenely, she squeezed his shoulder as she passed by him, then left him.

He made himself busy by clearing away the cookies and the half cup of cocoa she'd left behind her, and while he did he thought of Jessie's words once gain, her fears about being forgotten or abandoned once the baby was born. Of course, it wouldn't be intentional on Kitty's part – she was about to get very busy with a newborn to constantly look after, it couldn't totally be Kitty's fault. But he was beginning to wonder himself if it would happen.


	5. Chapter 5 Call it Blackjack

**Chapter 5 – Call it Blackjack**

When Rogue returned from the mission at 6am, Remy LeBeau was in her room waiting for her. He was standing at her window, looking out at the dark wintery morning sky. The lights weren't on but she could see him there perfectly.

"Remy...you're...awake."

"Still," he looked over his shoulder at her.

Rogue sat down on the bed to pull her boots off, she flinched in pain.

"What happened?" he asked, forgetting his own pain momentarily, he rushed over.

"Logan showed up in Washington during the mission...I got thrown backwards into Logan's claws by a Sentinel," she swallowed, "I healed up usin' his powers but...I can still feel it inside."

"You sure you took enough of his powers in?" he asked, he moved behind her to see the pierces in her uniform, they were there, along with the irony smell of blood.

"I could only do so much without killin' him," Rogue pointed out, "when he's recovered...I'll touch him again..."

Remy knelt down on the floor, "let me help you with these," he offered.

Rogue gave a soft nod, and let him help her remove the boots. "I'm surprised you're still awake...I thought you were tired..."

"I was but...now I'm not, I guess," he answered, he tossed her boots aside.

"Remy...what were you gonna say? Earlier, I mean."

"Hmm?"

"Before I had to leave," she answered, she lay back on the bed, feet dangling off the edge.

Remy sighed, "forget it, doesn't matter anymore, chere," he stood up then sat upon the bed, he looked down at the carpet as if it had all the answers to the universe in it.

"You're not in the mood for talking now, huh?" she asked, she sat up slowly.

He paused, thinking back to his conversation with Kitty. "Y'know, maybe I still am..." he turned around, and sighed at his pain, he made himself comfortable and lay on his side, looking up at her. "What would you say if I...suggested...we work on touchin'."

Her brow furrowed, "what...do you mean? You weren't all that interested earlier...now you are?"

"I don't mean like that," he admitted, "It'd be nice, sure, but...no. No, I mean...working on your powers."

"Remy...I..." she faltered, her mouth moving but words failed to follow.

"Before you argue with me, just hear me out," Remy said, holding up a hand, she nodded and took his hand, let their fingers twine, the thin leather of her gloves separating their flesh.

"Okay," she agreed softly.

He kept his eyes on hers, "we've...been together a long time. Known each other a long time...but...we've never truly tried to work on your powers...as a pair."

"What are you suggesting?" she shrugged.

"I asked you to take your glove off before, and you wouldn't. Maybe...it's time you did."

"Remy...I don't know about this...my powers still work pretty much as they always have, if not stronger. I damn near killed Logan barely touching him for ten seconds."

Remy let his cheek rest on his palm, "chere...you wanna be with me right?"

"You know I do."

"But...we both know it can't happen."

Rogue looked away, her eyes glistening but tears didn't dare follow.

"All I'm saying is...what do we have to lose?" he asked, "You've absorbed me before...you know the things in my head, I've nothing to hide from you..." he squeezed her fingers affectionately. "I know we got ways to work around this, and we can have heated passion through layers of cloth..." he softly sighed, "I would just want to know...that maybe we tried...together."

"You don't think I've tried this with the professor?"

"It might be different with me," Remy said, he kissed her glove-clad knuckle.

"Why would you possibly think that."

"Because you want me?"

"And that's it, then?" Rogue asked, "that's your brilliant plan? Because I want you my powers will just magically disappear?"

"How will you ever know?" he asked.

Rogue jerked her hand away from him, a look of anger building on her face as she yanked the glove off in one quick motion, she tossed it aside. "You want skin to skin contact, fine..." she held her hand above his face. "You wanna die, is that it?" she asked, her hand inching closer.

He looked at her palm, it was trembling, fingers poised so close to him, so close to his forehead. "Do it..." he whispered, calling her bluff.

"No!" she pulled away, "I can't...I can't do it..."

"Yes you can, and you will..." he sat up slowly, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, "and...I'm not scared..."

"But I am..." she whispered, trembling in his arms. "I don't wanna kill you...like I killed _her. _Like _Carol Danvers._"

"We'll take it in lil' steps, chere," he promised, "you've wanted this for years..." he said softly, he shifted his position so he was kneeling behind her, he placed his hands gently upon her shoulders and began to massage through the snug fitting leather. "I ain't gonna lie about the fact I have too..." he added.

She turned slowly, looking at him, "then why did you stop me earlier?"

"Wasn't time yet," he added, "gotta walk before we can run. I know I was tryin' to be persuasive last week..." he added, "that was just...me bein' playful...I was just teasin'."

Rogue nodded, "I know. Maybe I was too..." she pointed out.

"Seems like whenever I feelin' just a little blue, you get to thinking that I'm needin' a different type of comforting."

"You're human aren't you. You're a _man. _That's what _men_ want."

"True," he shrugged with a smile, "I do want it – and oh _so_ bad sometimes it hurts...but I can wait."

"Why are you willing to wait if you can have what you want right now?" she demanded, she sounded hostile, her eyes were fierce.

"Because I can't have it the way I want it," he shrugged.

"Are you saying you're going to...abstain just because...it can't be skin to skin?" she asked, looking and more and more concerned than angry now. The anger seemed to be fading, as if he'd said something right.

Remy smirked, "don't you think it'd make it worth it when we do finally make it work? Skin to skin...flesh to flesh...body to body?" he asked.

"You are _so_ odd, sometimes," Rogue sighed, she turned back away from him, she propped her elbows on her knees and let her chin rest in her hands.

"I don't think it's _odd _that I think about us starting to work on this now before our relationship grows more and more serious and the more time we spend together we start getting more and more frustrated..."

Rogue snorted, "that's a valid point," she uttered, seeming to hate that he had her beat.

He got up from the bed and knelt before her, "I'm giving myself to you, heart, soul _and_ body. But if you want the latter...it's gonna take work..."

"That's just extortion," Rogue rolled her eyes, but smirked at his dramatic acting.

"I like to call it blackjack, personally," he smirked. "Are you ready to be blackjacked?"

"Okay..." Rogue agreed, finally. "We'll...we'll work on it...but not...not right now, I'm tired...and you should be too..."

"When we are both rested, then," he nodded.

"Fine. It's a deal."

"Indeed."


	6. Chapter 6 Cartoons

**Chapter 6 - Cartoons**

Jessie was sitting out in the hall again when Remy left Rogue's room shortly after their conversation. He was surprised to find her there once again, her hair loose around her face and shoulders, blue fleece pyjamas keeping her warm The only difference was instead of being around the corner in the hall, she was between the stretch of hallway between Rogue's room and Ororo's room.

"Jessie...it's..."

"I wake up early sometimes..." she said, interrupting him, knowing what he was going to say. "Why are you always in Rogue's room?" she asked, raising an eyebrow curiously.

"I...er..." he wondered how bad it would seem to a seven year old – he wondered if she could have any suspicions, and he wondered if she knew anything about what goes on in bedrooms behind closed doors...not that anything had or seemed like it would. "I went to talk to Rogue about something..." he explained. "She just got home from a mission."

"Oh," Jessie said.

Remy stood, he looked around. He was compelled to tell her to get to bed but she _had_ gone to bed fairly early, and it was a decent hour to be up for a small child he supposed.

"Do you always wait for Kitty out here?" Remy asked.

"Sometimes. I wanna watch cartoons but I don't know how to work the big TV downstairs...and anyway..." she pouted, "Monet is in there watching a show about genetics..."

Remy smiled, "why not use the adult rec room? No one in there at this time of the morning..."

"Not supposed to go in there," she pouted. "And I'm not supposed to be anywhere in the mansion without an adult...they never explain why."

"Well...I say you can," he said, "c'mon..." he nodded down the hall. The adult rec room was on the second floor. It had once been Ororo's room but she'd sacrificed it for a more modest room so that the adults and the children both had places they could unwind without interfering with each other's recreation room. Remy let Jessie walk in first, and followed her in.

"I feel so bad...not supposed to be here," Jessie confessed, she let Remy lead the way to the couch and then went after him.

Remy picked up the universal remote from the designer coffee table and he sunk down into the comfortable leather couch. He began to search for a channel with cartoons and eventually settled on one, Jessie came over slowly and sat on the edge of the couch. It was barely two minutes before she was engrossed in the story on the screen. Remy watched the bright colours blur across the screen in his exhaustion.

"Listen," he said quietly, he turned to look at her, "I'm going to shut my eyes for...maybe ten or fifteen minutes...you be okay?" he asked.

"Okay," she looked at him and nodded.

He let his arm rest against the arm of the couch, and propped a cheek up on his hand, he let his eyes close, and just listened to the cartoonish springy noises and high pitched whiny voices, and soon, he was sleeping deeply.

_"Baby, Baby, daddy must find_

_the Baby, Baby that got left behind_

_Baby, Baby, Mommy is gone_

_Baby, Baby, must sing this song_

_Baby, Baby, Daddy is here_

_Daddy, Daddy, please hold me near_

_Mommy, Mommy, has run away_

_But Daddy, Daddy can chase fear away_

_Baby, Baby, Daddy must find_

_the Baby, Baby that got left behind."_

_He could hear the voices in the hallway but couldn't see them anymore, the children in the white dresses, the two little blonde girls who'd vanished. He couldn't see either of them. Words in sing-song still echoed, the sounds of soft clapping. Clap clap-clap clap, clap clap clap. He tried to follow the sounds but they seemed to move around him. _

_"Daddy, Daddy, can't find me_

_Daddy, Daddy, I'm here, you see..."_

_A ball of light fell from the sky and hovered a few feet in front of him, dancing back and forth, he heard a child's laughing. Girlish giggles, the light flickered and spread across the hall, lighting the way for him, and then the ball of light disappeared and there was a faceless blonde girl standing at the open doorway of the hallway, her white dress blowing in the wind._

"_Daddy..." she whispered._

He gasped himself awake, eyes wide, surprised to find himself trembling. The song in the dream the girls had been singing stayed with him, their voices echoing his mind. It frightened him, and he wasn't sure why – he was sure it wasn't meant to be particularly menacing, but still it stayed with him nonetheless.

Remy suddenly realised there was something heavy pressing against his thigh and he looked down to see Jessie's tawny head there, her curls hanging over her face. He brushed her hair from her face to see she was sleeping soundly, her tiny hand was upon his knee.

An ache shook him to the core, a vast emptiness reaching him, as he looked at Jessie and thought once again of the daughter he'd been robbed off, the daughter who was nothing more than a ball of light somewhere in heaven.

He sighed.

"Cartoons, huh?"

He looked over his shoulder to the door at the back of the room, Logan was standing there, shoulder against the frame.

"Not that I'm really surprised...I mean...you are kinda immature," the small man said teasingly.

"Where you been hiding?" Remy asked, "first time I see you since I got back."

"I met up with the team last night in Washington during the mission. Decided to go back home earlier than planned," Logan replied, his voice husky, his face drained of colour. Despite his fast healing, he apparently was still drained from Rogue's powers and Remy could see the effects.

"Rogue's still hurtin' from your claws," Remy uttered.

"You're mad at me."

"You weren't usin' em, why did you have 'em extended in the first place?"

"I had been," Logan retorted, "don't go pickin' fights with me, Cajun, you weren't even there – you don't even know what really happened."

"You coulda killed her."

"But I didn't," Logan walked in, "I didn't know that sentinel was gonna throw her towards me or I would have retracted..." he cut himself off, looking down at the sleeping child, head on Remy's thigh. "I...see you've made another friend."

"I have a way with the ladies apparently," Remy smirked, he tried to ignore the feeling that Logan didn't trust him with the girl.

"She don't like men much," Logan uttered, "she don't like me..." he seemed almost indignant about the fact the kid didn't like him and that she might prefer someone like Remy LeBeau.

"She's scared of me," Remy said, he shook his head in disbelief. "Thinks my _eyes_ are scary."

"Don't look like it to me," Logan pointed out. "Looks to me like you're the only guy apart from Hank and the Prof that she can actually stand being around."

Remy watched Jessie, feeling helpless to move.

"Guess living at an orphanage run by women and having very little memory of her dad has made it hard to connect to men," Logan said thoughtfully, he gave Remy a strange look, "what's up with you, you...don't look like your normal self. Spooked or somethin'..._"_

Remy sighed, "I'm fine, mon ami," he held Jessie's head as he gently slipped out from under her. He slid a cushion beneath her tawny head instead. He looked down at her innocent face as she slept, something deep inside pulling at his heart, making it hurt to see the sight. "I'm just _fine._"

The End (or is it? Mwahahaha!!)

((Author's note: okay, so as per usual, I know it's still a bit sucky, my writing style has changed a little in the last few years apparently, I don't see it myself but I guess I'm the last person notice. Thanks to the reviewers – you guys make me want to write more!))

((Sidenote: to Rogue4787, the father of Kitty's baby is Ryan Bloom, a computer geek and talented hacker who helped her get a hold of what she needed to help find Remy. He made an appearance in Episode 12 of DA 2010 (Kickoff), but this was the only appearance he had.))


End file.
